all barred up (snort) and other fun word games
Viper has been unfaithful. He’s broken my heart. It’s all over – I’m not making him muesli bars ever again.
I got into the truck the other day, and found a wrapper. Yes, a wrapper from one of these:
Why do I even bother? Why do I pour my heart and soul into trying to create something amazing for him to snack on, when as soon as my back is turned, he goes and wraps his lips around this. Rude. Just rude.
So this batch of muesli bars is all mine baby. What’s that Viper? Oh you want to try one do you? Well you should of thought about that before you ran off with the first nut bar floozy that caught your wandering eye.
If I’m confusing you, muesli bars = granola bars. We call granola “toasted muesli.” Same same. I call trail mix “scroggin,” though – don’t ask me why, it’s one of those kooky New Zealand things.
On the subject- aren’t language quirks funny? Here’s some observed examples:
Things you wear when you go swimming:
Aus – Swimmers
NZ – Togs
US – Swim suit
PLEASE watch this, it’s hilarious!
Viper has a particularly fetching pair like the ones in the video. They are red. In Australia, we call them “Budgie Smugglers.”
Aus – Sweet Potato
NZ – Kumara
US – Sweet Potato
Aus – Jam/Preserves
NZ – Jam
US – Jelly/Preserves
Underwear with no back bit
Aus – G Banger
NZ – G string
US – Thong
Aus – Thong
NZ – Jandal
US – Flip flop
Any more to contribute?
Plum, Cinnamon and Almond Bars:
Prunes get a hard time. All the associations with old people and bowel movements. I don’t care; I love them. I think they would probably be my favourite dried fruit – so much flavour, sweetness and they give baking a little something something. They have one of the highest antioxidant contents around, so stop bagging them and make these bars. These bars are lower in sugar than previous trials, and I think I am getting closer to that elusive texture I am after.
- 1T + 1t brown rice syrup (or agave/honey)
- 1/4C + 1T apple puree
- 1T coconut oil
- 1T ground flax seeds mixed with 2T water to form an “egg”
- 1 1/2C oatmeal
- 1/2C whole oats
- 1/3C sunflower seeds
- 1/3C sesame seeds
- 1 1/2t ground cinnamon
- 1t salt
- 10 prunes, finely chopped
- 1/4C chopped almonds
- Dry toast (in batches) sunflower seeds, almonds, sesame seeds and oats.
- Mix together with salt, cinnamon, and prunes. Set aside.
- Melt coconut oil and rice syrup together. Add apple puree and flax egg.
- Mix all ingredients together – make sure everything is combined really well.
- Press firmly into a lined baking tray and put in fridge for about 20 minutes or until firm enough to cut into bars.
Does Viper even deserve to try these bars? What do you think?
*Edit to Add* So I caved and let Viper try these bars… wish I didn’t bother. He said they tasted “too healthy” (!) Anyway, they are drier in texture this time – I admit, they do taste “healthier” – whatever that means. They are not as rich as previous trials, which I really liked – not so heavy. Viper said they tasted too oaty, which is funny as I used the exact same amount of oats as the time before. Loser. I like “healthy” (not ridiculously sweet and full of sugar) tasting things, so I enjoyed these bars. I picked some apart (took out choking hazards) and gave some to Misty, and he gobbled them up – Misty approves. Seems like Viper preferred his ‘bit on the side.’